A Thursday
I know it’s wrong for me to say that this week has been a pain in my ass and that I’m looking forward to the weekend. I mean, I was off until Wednesday, but still…the beast that is this city has just about gotten the best of me. I can’t wait to go home, turn off my phone, and crawl into bed. Key point: turning off my phone. If I get one more angry message for something I haven’t done right, I’m going to rip someone’s face off. Best to pretend I don’t have a phone for a day or two.
I had the biggest scare this morning. I was taking a shit and when I went to flush, I noticed that the toilet bowl was bright red. Like I had shit a gallon of blood out of my ass. I stood there in a total panic and was like “OMG! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? I’m BLEEDING OUT OF MY BUTT HOLE!” And then it hit me…I drank about three pitchers of crystal light “raspberry ice” last night. And the dye from that drink stains EVERYTHING. Including bowels. hahaha. So phew! No bleeding out of my ass. I don’t even stick dicks in there so I have absolutely no reason to have blood come out. Thank goodness I remembered drinking all that shit. Otherwise I’d be walking around with a huge band aid on my ass hole today for no reason.
So, the head of our board came in today to fire someone in my office. It was nutso. The person that got fired has been punching the wall and herself ever since. No, I’m not exaggerating at all. She’s been PUNCHING things. She’s about to get escorted out of the building while I just sit here pretending to feel sad about it. I mean, really. Gather up what’s left of your pride and leave! Don’t stay here throwing baby-like temper tantrums. It’s not going to get your job back and it’s not going to make you feel any better about yourself later on. Steal some paper products and be out!
Anyway, when the president of the board came in, she looked at my outfit (which I think looks pretty adorable today) and kind of grimaced. I’m wearing a polo, a pair of jeans, and a baseball cap. What’s to grimace at? So I told my boss that the president didn’t like my outfit and you know what he said to me? He said “Joe, I think your jeans are cute!”
WHA!??! An ex-military man tells me he thinks my jeans are “cute”? Fucking hilarious. I thanked him and made sure to walk behind him for the rest of the day. I don’t want him checking out my ass too!
Summer TV is so fucking boring. Every night I search and search for something to watch and I always end up jerking off instead. I jerked off twice last night, mostly cuz I was so bored with TV. That was a great story, eh?
Here’s my horoscope for today:
“Prioritizing the people in your life is pretty much impossible at the moment -- at least not without hurting someone's feelings. Opting out and spending some time solo may be your best option.”
Well that’s interesting. It was written specifically for me! Very odd, but I’m sticking with it!
Okay, for some reason I just started to feel really down. I hate when my mood shifts so suddenly like that.
I gotta go bury my head in the sand for a couple of minutes. Be back tomorrow
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